Turning the Page Together: The Sugar Jar

Welcome back to the Year of Y.O.U. newsletter!

Today, we will begin a new Fall book review series with

The Sugar Jar by Yazmine Cheyenne.

Turning the Page Together

A Fall Book Series

As summer winds down and we begin looking toward Fall, many of us may be reflecting on the rest we hoped Summer would bring. We often associate relaxation with vacations, summer breaks, or time away from our weekly routines. However, slowing down can feel difficult and sometimes like a fantasy reserved for daydreams. We tell ourselves, “I’ll slow down later. I’ll take a break when things settle down. I’ll make time for myself when everything else is finished.” But “later” often gets pushed further away as new responsibilities take its place.

Yet, there is something inviting about sitting down with a good book. An opportunity to pause, quiet the noise, and step away from everyday demands. This season, we’re doing something a little different with the Year of Y.O.U. newsletter. Each month, Dr. Erica will review a book that encourages us to reflect on an aspect of our well-being, sharing the ideas and chapters that resonated with her.

August Book Review: The Sugar Jar by Yasmine Cheyenne

Last month, we practiced slowing down and noticing the world through our five senses. This month, we are turning that awareness inward by noticing what restores our emotional energy, what depletes it, and where we may need to care for ourselves differently. That topic made The Sugar Jar a fitting book for this month. Cheyenne uses a sugar jar as a metaphor for our emotional capacity: the time, energy, attention, and care we have available to give. When we continually pour ourselves out without replenishing, eventually we run out of sugar to give.

Through discussions of boundaries, self-love, family relationships, strength, and healing, Cheyenne invites us to examine what depletes us, why we may have learned to overextend ourselves, and what it looks like to respond differently. The book takes us through a progression of noticing what is happening in our jars, understanding what has shaped us, reconsidering the ways we protect ourselves, and recognizing what healing can look like. I’ll explore each of these themes and how they can help us begin to refill our own sugar jars.

What Is In Your Jar?

With the sugar jar metaphor established, Cheyenne turns our attention to what depletes the emotional energy we have. If we find that our emotional capacity is limited, we first need to notice where our energy is going. This is where Cheyenne’s discussion of boundaries becomes especially important. Her discussion of boundaries stood out to me because boundaries are not simply about saying no; they can be a way of protecting our healing and preserving our joy.

The book may resonate with anyone who struggles to say no, consistently gives to others, or feels exhausted by the “takers” in their life. Two statements particularly stood out to me:

                   “Boundaries are essential to our healing.” (p. 108)

                   “Self-love: protector of our joy.” (p. 111)

I appreciate the connection Cheyenne makes between boundaries and self-love. A boundary is not meant to punish or exclude others. It can create space for us to care for ourselves and recognize that our needs matter, too. But noticing where we need a boundary can lead to a deeper question: Why is saying no or caring for ourselves sometimes so difficult? For many of us, the answer may be connected to patterns we learned in our earliest relationships and experiences. Understanding where those patterns came from can help us recognize what we may want to do differently now.

Consider:

• Where might I need a boundary?

• What makes that boundary difficult for me?

• What could protecting my healing or joy 

        look like?

Healing as Both the Parent and the Child

Cheyenne explores healing from the perspectives of both the parent and the child. This section resonated with me personally because parenthood can bring difficult questions. Was I a good parent? What do I do with the parts I wish I could change? How do I parent my children now that they are adults?

As children become adults, our relationship with them changes. We may also begin discovering who we are outside our identity as a parent. That transition can bring freedom, but also guilt and regret.

Cheyenne reminds us:

              “We can’t stop our children from having negative experiences in life.” 

               (p. 198)

We cannot rewrite the past or protect our children from every disappointment. We can, however, acknowledge what we did not know, take accountability where needed, and choose how we show up now.

The book also invites us to consider what we still need to heal from being someone’s child. Our childhood experiences can influence how we see ourselves and care for others. Healing may mean recognizing when an old need for safety, reassurance, or understanding is showing up in the present.

Our youthful experiences can shape more than how we parent or care for others. They can also influence how we learn to cope. Some of us become “the strong one” or the person who learns to keep going, handle things independently, and avoid asking for help. Cheyenne explores this pattern in her chapter “The Strong Ones.”

Remembering “The Strong Ones”

From family relationships, Cheyenne transitions to another familiar pattern of becoming “the strong one.” Chapter 9 reminds us to check on the people who are quiet or appear to have everything together. Looking strong could still mean someone needs comfort, encouragement, or to be asked, “How are you doing? What do you need?” Sometimes strength becomes armor. Smiling, saying we are fine, overworking, withdrawing, or turning to distractions can help us survive difficult experiences. But armor worn for too long can also keep out the support and love we need.

When a protective habit has been with us for years, trying something different can feel uncomfortable. Healing may begin with becoming curious about whether our armor is still serving us.

Ask yourself:

• What is my armor?

• When did I first learn that I needed it?

• Is it still protecting me, or is it preventing me from receiving what I need?

• What is one small way I could practice letting someone in?

These questions invite us to consider what happens when we begin to loosen the armor we have relied on for so long. What might it look like to let ourselves be supported rather than always being the one who holds everything together?

For many of us, healing is not about becoming a different person. It is about becoming more aware of the patterns that once helped us cope and deciding whether they are still serving us. It may mean recognizing when we are slipping back into old habits, giving ourselves permission to ask for help, or choosing a response that is more compassionate toward ourselves. This brings us to one of the book’s most important questions: “Am I Healing?”

“Am I Healing?”

The final chapter, “Am I Healing?,” brings all the themes together. Healing does not necessarily mean feeling better every day, forgetting what happened, or never becoming triggered again. Sometimes healing looks like recognizing a pattern sooner, pausing before responding, setting a boundary, asking for help, resting before becoming depleted, or speaking to yourself with greater compassion. Perhaps the more useful question is, “How am I responding differently than I did before?” That question allows us to recognize progress in the small moments when we notice an old pattern and choose something different.

Healing is not always a dramatic transformation. Sometimes it is a series of small choices: protecting our energy, accepting support, responding to ourselves with compassion, and making room for something new. “Am I healing?” is not a question we answer once and leave behind. It is a question we can return to as we move through different seasons of our lives, noticing what has changed, what still needs attention, and where we are choosing differently.

And maybe that is the invitation of The Sugar Jar: not to have everything figured out, but to pause long enough to notice what we need and make room to care for ourselves along the way. As we come to the end of this month’s reflection, let’s turn the page from the ideas in the book to our own lives.

Turning the Page

You do not have to read the book to begin 

reflecting on its message. I hope these ideas 

from The Sugar Jar encourage you to pause 

and notice how you are using your emotional 

energy.

As we enter a new season think about:

• What is filling your jar?

• What is emptying it?

• What is one thing you can do to pour 

       back into yourself?

Turning the page does not require a dramatic change. It may begin with one boundary, one moment of rest, one honest conversation, or one decision to include yourself among the people deserving of your care. Perhaps replenishing our jar is not something we do once and check off the list. It is an ongoing practice of noticing, protecting, healing, receiving, and choosing differently. Until next month, I hope you find time to pause, replenish your jar, and, as Cheyenne encourages, enjoy the sweet things in life.

Thank you for your time and attention. Welcome to August!

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