Turning the Page Together: The Pain We Carry
Welcome back to the Year of Y.O.U. newsletter!
Today, we will continue the Fall book review series with
The Pain We Carry by Natalie Y. Gutiérrez.
Turning the Page Together
The Pain We Carry: Healing from Complex PTSD for People of Color
What Are You Carrying?
Have you ever wondered what you are carrying? Fears, painful beliefs, or ways of protecting yourself that may have developed long ago?
To our beautiful readers, as we turn the page again, I have been thinking about the seasons in our lives when we feel exhausted or weighed down. Sometimes we carry that heaviness in our shoulders, stomachs, hearts, or backs. We may feel as though we need to stretch, lie down, or simply escape from everything for a moment. Other times we carry it in our mind, finding it difficult to concentrate or find ourselves feeling worry or anxiety. Regardless of how it manifests, we all experience the burden of what we carry at various points of our life. That weight may come from our work environments, intimate relationships, friendships, or families. Sometimes it develops from the daily toll of our experiences. Other times, it reflects years or even generations of pain. Today, we will discuss a book that explores how to identify and handle what we carry.
You may be wondering, “Why explore such a heavy topic right now?” The truth is, struggle does not follow a particular season, day, or month. Many of us are carrying difficult experiences, even when others cannot see them. Keeping painful topics in the dark because they are uncomfortable to discuss can prevent us from recognizing patterns and discovering resources that may help. Bringing these experiences into the light can be an important step toward understanding what we carry, moving through it, and beginning to heal. This belief that healing can begin when we bring difficult experiences into the light is what led me to share this month’s book.
Why This Book Drew Me In
Five years ago, I attended a collective healing circle where The Pain We Carry: Healing from Complex PTSD for People of Color by Natalie Y. Gutiérrez was recommended. I was immediately drawn to the title, The Pain We Carry, because I was in a discouraging season of my own and wanted relief from what I was feeling. As a high-achieving person, it was easy to blame myself when life became stressful instead of recognizing how external pressures could trigger negative beliefs that were not necessarily true. I wondered whether this book might offer a revelation or perhaps even some solutions, but ended up not reading it.
Like many of us, I was more willing to help others before making time to care for and heal myself. Three years later, I recommended the book to someone else and decided to read along as an accountability partner. Ironically, helping another person motivated me enough to help myself and engage with the book. I found a lot of value in reading the material, so I invite you to also consider reading the book in case it might help you too. Since reading it, I have recommended The Pain We Carry to people looking for a relatable exploration of trauma from a cultural perspective. The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk also offers valuable insight into how trauma affects the mind and body. However, The Pain We Carry gives greater attention to experiences that have often been left out of conversations about healing, including systemic challenges, cultural and familial burdens, racial trauma, and intergenerational wounds.
A gentle side note: If you have experienced trauma, this may not be an easy, page-turning read, and that is okay. It is a book to move through slowly, pausing when needed and returning when you feel ready. In case you don’t have the opportunity to read it, I will share some of the key points in today’s newsletter.
Three Things That Stayed With Me
1. Not everything we carry began with us.
The discussion of cultural and legacy burdens encouraged me to think about how racism, family expectations, social pressures, and generational experiences can shape the ways we see ourselves. Sometimes what feels like a personal failure is connected to a much larger story out of our control.
2. Our bodies often respond before we have the words to explain what we feel.
The book provides tools for understanding and regulating the body’s responses to stress and trauma. Learning why we react physically, emotionally, and mentally can help us approach ourselves with curiosity instead of criticism.
3. Shame and relationship wounds deserve compassion.
The discussions of shame and attachment helped me reflect on how early relationships can influence the ways we connect with others, protect ourselves, and interpret our experiences. The book reminds us that some of the behaviors we criticize in ourselves may have once developed to help us feel safe and invites us to give ourselves grace as we heal.
This is not a book that asks us to remain defined by our pain. Instead, it gently invites us to recognize what we have been carrying, understand where it may have come from, and consider what we may be ready to release.
A Reflection to Carry With You
If something in this reflection resonates with you, I invite you to spend some time with The Pain We Carry, but again there is no expectation that you do. I hope this newsletter has offered you something meaningful, whether or not you ever pick up the book. If you do choose to read it, there is much more to explore in its pages than I could capture here, and you may find language for experiences you have struggled to name or a new perspective on something you have been carrying. You may not connect with every part of the book, but perhaps there is one idea, one reflection, or one tool that meets you exactly where you are.
This month, perhaps the invitation is not to fix everything we carry, but simply to notice it. We can begin by asking ourselves where a particular fear, belief, or response may have come from, and whether it still serves us today. Some things may be ours to work through, while others may never have belonged to us in the first place. Whatever you discover, I hope you can meet yourself with the same compassion you might offer someone you love. Healing does not always begin with having all the answers; sometimes, it begins with becoming curious about the story we have been carrying.
What are you carrying that deserves curiosity rather than criticism?
What might you be ready to release, even if you are not yet sure how?
Thank you for your time and attention. Welcome to September!
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