Turning the Page Together: Laziness Does Not Exist
Welcome back to the Year of Y.O.U. newsletter!
Today, we will continue the Fall book review series with
Laziness Does Not Exist by
Dr. Devon Price.
Turning the Page Together
Laziness Does Not Exist
Have You Ever Felt This Way?
Have you ever worried so much about the future that slowing down felt irresponsible? Have you ever felt ashamed because you seemed stagnant while everyone else appeared to be moving forward? Have you ever felt directionless, exhausted, or uncertain about what to do next, but still told yourself that you should be doing more?
There is a particular kind of exhaustion that does not feel like “I have done too much.” It feels more like, “I should be doing something and I cannot make myself do it.” Perhaps you have even begun to believe that work should be at the center of your life and that your value depends on how much you accomplish.
These thoughts can become even louder when social media constantly reminds us of what other people are doing. We see their achievements, new jobs, businesses, vacations, relationships, fitness goals, and carefully selected moments of success. Without knowing the complete story, we may compare their highlights to the parts of our lives that still feel unfinished.
And comparison does not require jealousy. Sometimes it is much quieter than that. You see someone announce a promotion while you are sitting in your car before work, wondering how you became this tired. You see someone training for a marathon while you are congratulating yourself for answering three emails. Neither person knows what the other person's week actually looked like. Before long, resting can feel like falling behind, uncertainty can feel like failure, and exhaustion can be mistaken for laziness.
In Laziness Does Not Exist, social psychologist Dr. Devon Price challenges the workaholic culture that teaches us to measure our worth by our productivity. The book asks us to look beneath the label of “lazy” and become curious about what may actually be happening.
Last month, The Pain We Carry invited us to notice the fears, beliefs, and protective responses we may be holding. This month’s book encourages us to take that reflection one step further:
What expectations have taught us to carry too much and then
criticize ourselves when we can no longer hold it all?
I think this is one reason the word “lazy” deserves more attention than we usually give it. It sounds like an explanation, but often it is simply a conclusion.
Why This Book Drew Me In
The title Laziness Does Not Exist immediately caught my attention because it challenges a belief that many of us have accepted without questioning. We often describe people as lazy when they are depressed, procrastinating, or appear apathetic. However, Price encourages us to look beyond what we see on the surface. Someone who appears unmotivated may be emotionally exhausted, overwhelmed, anxious, disconnected from the goal, uncertain about where to begin, or managing circumstances that other people cannot see.
There is an important difference between asking “Why aren't you doing this?” and becoming curious about what happens inside someone when they try. The word lazy can become a judgment that ends the conversation. Curiosity allows the conversation to continue. Once we decide someone is lazy, including ourselves, we tend to stop gathering information.
Instead of asking, Why am I so lazy? we might ask:
What am I feeling?
What is making this task difficult?
Do I have the time, energy, support, or resources I need?
Is this goal meaningful to me, or do I believe I am supposed to pursue it?
What might my mind or body be trying to communicate?
Notice that none of these questions asks, “How can I force myself to do this?” Sometimes the more useful question comes before motivation: “What is making this hard?”
The book does not suggest that responsibilities should be ignored. Instead, it challenges the belief that constantly pushing ourselves is the only responsible way to live.
The next page has what stood out to me after reflecting on the main themes.
Four Things to Carry Forward
You deserve to work less.
Rest does not have to be earned through exhaustion. Try doing
something without tracking it, improving it, monetizing it, or
turning it into an accomplishment. Be a beginner. Do something
simply because you enjoy it.
Ask yourself:
When does my workday actually end?
What could I do without measuring the outcome?
What would I try if I gave myself permission to be bad at it?
You can care about people without carrying everything for them.
Being helpful does not require being constantly available. A boundary
may disappoint someone without being wrong. Sometimes caring for
yourself means letting someone else manage their own feelings, needs,
or responsibilities.
Try practicing:
“I can't take that on right now.”
“I need some time before I respond.”
“That doesn't work for me.”
Start somewhere small. Boundaries are a practice, not a
personality transplant.
A mistake is not a verdict.
Sometimes what looks like avoidance is actually fear of getting
something wrong. A mistake can be information without becoming
an indictment of your ability, effort, or worth. And sometimes a
mistake is simply a mistake. You do not have to turn every difficult
experience into a lesson.
When something goes wrong, ask:
What happened and what do I need now?
Not:
What does this say about me?
Gentleness is not the opposite of accountability.
For some of us, self-criticism has become a management
strategy: “If I don't push myself, nothing will get done.” But a
strategy can become familiar without actually being helpful.
Gentleness might mean:
Resting before you reach exhaustion.
Asking for support.
Revising a goal that no longer fits.
Finishing something imperfectly.
Not explaining every boundary.
Recognizing surviving a difficult season is meaningful work.
Holding yourself accountable without treating yourself
like a problem to fix.
An Expressive Writing Activity
Price discusses expressive writing as a way to connect with the emotions we may suppress when we are focused on remaining productive.
Set aside 10 to 15 minutes and complete the following sentence: “When I call myself lazy, what may actually be happening beneath that label?”
Maybe you're exhausted.
Maybe you're overwhelmed.
Maybe you're afraid.
Maybe you don't know where to begin.
Maybe the goal no longer matters to you.
Maybe you need support.
Maybe you simply need rest.
Allow yourself to write without editing,
correcting, or judging your response.
You might reflect on:
“What was happening the last time I
called myself lazy?”
“What emotion was I experiencing?”
“What did my body need?”
“What expectation did I believe I was
failing to meet?”
“Where did I learn that resting or
slowing down was unacceptable?”
“What invisible barrier might have made
the task more difficult?”
“What would I say to someone I love who was experiencing the same thing?”
If your first answer is “I don't know,” stay there for a moment. “I don't know” can sometimes be the beginning of the writing rather than the end of it.
When you finish, read what you wrote with curiosity. You do not have to solve every concern immediately. The purpose is to create enough space to hear what may be underneath the criticism.
A Reflection to Carry With You
Laziness Does Not Exist does not ask us to stop caring about our goals or responsibilities. It asks us to reconsider the belief that our value must be proven through constant activity. Perhaps the next time you feel stagnant, directionless, or unproductive, you can pause before judging yourself. You might discover that you are exhausted, grieving, overwhelmed, uncertain, disconnected from the goal, or simply in need of rest.
You may not need more discipline. You may need more support, clarity, space, connection, or compassion. Or perhaps you simply need to know what is actually happening before deciding what you need.
This month, consider asking yourself:
What am I afraid will happen if I slow down? Where have I confused productivity with personal worth? What would become possible if I believed I deserved rest before reaching exhaustion? If I stopped calling myself lazy, what would I be able to pay attention to instead?
That question may be harder than it looks. A label can be painful, but it can also be convenient. “I'm lazy” is a conclusion. It does not require us to investigate whether we are overwhelmed, lonely, bored, afraid, resentful, depleted, grieving, or pursuing something that no longer matters to us. Turning the page does not always mean beginning another task. Sometimes, it means closing the book for a while, allowing yourself to breathe, and trusting that your worth remains intact even when you’re not doing anything.
Thank you for your time and attention. Welcome to October!
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