Building Your Foundation: Part Two

Y.O.U focuses on providing on-the-go strategies for a successful life!

Last time we introduced the importance of self-awareness in your journey for making a change and your personal growth. We also briefly talked about how self-awareness can be so challenging and included some questions to start the process of self-awareness. In today’s issue, we’re going to dig deeper into why self-awareness is difficult.

Why Self-Awareness Can Be So Difficult for Some

So now you may be thinking, if self-awareness is so great, why doesn't that fix everything right now? Well, for one, we are not static in our being. Every day brings about slightly different challenges that can cause certain feelings to wax and wane. Another reason is that the most challenging things to address can be so tightly wound in our being that we truly cannot see the problematic behaviors. We must practice self-awareness regularly to separate our actions from our sense of self and bring about long-term change.

Part of this difficulty comes from your life circumstances. Many of us unconsciously lived our lives doing whatever we had to do at whatever cost. Some of us might have had these values ingrained in our upbringing from generations of parents and grandparents believing that success only came from hard work and taking care of the family, no matter what. 

Others might have internalized this from experiencing circumstances out of their control. So-called support networks never cared to help with the responsibility and instead offered "It's going to be okay" or "You have to be strong and hold it together" to push through.

Pushing through is called being in "Survival Mode." And often, when we are in Survival Mode, we either miss out on things, minimize their importance, or dismiss them altogether. Survival Mode should be immediate and temporary, not long-term, and permanent. We need so much more to be happy. Things like human connection, security, comfort, and sometimes just being acknowledged by someone of your existence. However, suppose you continue to operate 24/7 in Survival Mode. In that case, you seek to escape to avoid thinking about all you have going on and try unsuccessfully to meet your "non-survival" needs. These escapes, unfortunately, usually come in the form of sex, drugs, avoidance, isolation, busyness, etc. Before you know it, you are entirely disengaged in your day-to-day life, let alone able to practice self-awareness.

Resetting the Narrative With Self-Awareness

Rarely do things that we struggle with appear overnight; it is just as rare that they are handled simultaneously. You may feel temporarily insane: doing something every day that you hate and complain about just as often but simply wishing things would be different. To get a different result, you must incorporate a different process. Reading this newsletter indicates that you are ready to change your lifestyle. For those in Survival Mode or those who can't seem to shake something that's been bothering them, we will share content in future newsletters that will help you break the cycle and incorporate what we refer to as a "lifestyle change" where you will adopt or incorporated behaviors and habits that are now a part of your daily lifestyle.

Please be aware that attempts to "break the cycle" can create anxiety, doubt, fear, or sadness. Please also be aware that you might have a different outcome or journey than someone else who reads this newsletter. Please read through these newsletters from your perspective and at your own pace: this is not a sprint but a marathon. If you are intentional about your progress and journey, you will start to see changes in how you see yourself, how you interact with others, your energy level, and even your mood.

Dr. Erica Wade experienced something 4 years ago that evoked self-awareness to break the cycle of survival mode:

"While completing my qualifying exams for my doctorate, I was diagnosed with acute L sciatic pain. That was probably the most terrifying thing I had ever experienced, despite having three vaginal births and two without medication. The pain I felt was debilitating. I felt helpless. My survival mode was to be quiet, get over it, and hide my pain. I experienced days and hours of constant pain. One day I couldn't ignore the pain, and I just let go and started to cry. My daughter came into my room to check on me at that exact moment. I remember sitting on the floor, trying to calm the pain. Nothing was working, yet I couldn't stop thinking about how to finish writing. I couldn't go into survival mode; I had to tell her I was in pain, something I didn't want to acknowledge because I've been taught through my upbringing that you don't show emotions (i.e., weakness).

I should have stopped through all that pain, but I didn't. It was more important for me to push through. After two weeks of excruciating pain, I managed to finish writing, and surprisingly, or maybe not surprisingly, when I finished, the pain subsided. That experience showed me how connected the mind, body, and soul were more than I had previously suspected. Had I been aware of what I needed or been taught to ask for help instead of avoiding and pushing through, my experience would have gone a different way, and I could have avoided the pain."

Dr. Erica persevered in this example, but it was a hard lesson. People learn through challenging experiences; however, not every experience requires painful consequences. You may be going through an experience right now, and you might be thinking, "I don't have time to stop and think to practice self-awareness; I'll figure it out." You're probably right, but we are all creatures of habit, and one behavior likely appears in various situations / parts of our lives. Therefore, the goal is to get you off of the hamster wheel and get you to start moving in the direction of progress or change. When you realize (i.e., reflect) what needs to change, you will begin to see and experience different outcomes in your life. Also, it's one thing to be willing, and it's another thing to be able.

Were you able to answer the questions from the last issue? How did it go?

Consider revisiting the questions from issue #1 now that you've read this

issue. As you reflect think about how you're feeling. How is it different?

As you start making more strides in becoming more open to self awareness

you can revisit these reflections to make even further progress.

The next issue is the final installment on self-awareness where we will

discuss in more detail how to foster self-awareness. We'll also share

another exercise and some recommendations that could help enhance your

experience.