A Moment for Connection

Welcome back to the Year of Y.O.U. newsletter!

Last month, we discussed how the holidays can be a challenging time. Today, we will discuss how to connect with those experiencing difficult emotions at the end of the year. 

Holding Space for Others During the Holiday Season

For many, the holiday season is associated with celebration, connection, and tradition. For some, it can be a time of profound grief, disconnection, or quiet survival. For others, the season may feel heavy not only because of loss, but also because of loneliness, strained relationships, distance from loved ones, financial stress, or the cumulative weight of a difficult year. As the year draws to a close, this is an invitation to pause. Instead of pushing past sadness or forcing a smile, consider honoring those we have lost and how they have touched our lives, try to acknowledge the realities we carry during this season that might dull our cheer, and think about what still matters to us as we move forward.

Emotional pain or exhaustion, especially grief, does not follow a timeline, nor does it adhere to the calendar. The holidays often magnify absence, memories, and emotions that may otherwise remain in the background. Creating space for reflection allows us to acknowledge the full range of human experience, including joy and sorrow, gratitude and longing, without judgment or comparison.

Honoring Those We Have Lost and Loved

Honoring loved ones who are no longer physically present can take many forms. There is no “right” way to remember or grieve. Similarly, there is no single way to move through the holidays when connection feels difficult.

Some may choose to:

• Light a candle or set aside a quiet moment of remembrance

• Share stories, photos, or traditions connected to the person

• Engage in acts of service or generosity in their honor

• Simply acknowledge their absence internally, without words

Honoring does not require public expression. It can be quiet, private, and deeply personal. What matters is permission to remember, to feel, and to grieve in ways that feel authentic. While grief is often experienced privately, those who wish to offer support may hesitate to engage out of fear of saying the wrong thing or triggering tears; yet grief exists whether others are present or not. This hesitation can also arise when someone’s pain is less visible or harder to name. The question becomes whether choosing a sense serves the comfort of the person offering support or the needs of the person who is grieving or struggling. The following suggestions offer practical ways to show up as a supportive presence without attempting to fix, minimize, or control the grieving process or other forms of holiday distress.

How to Be a Supportive Presence for Someone Who Is Grieving

Many people want to help but feel uncertain about what to say or do. Support does not require fixing grief or finding the “right” words. Often, presence matters more than perfection.

Helpful ways to show support include:

• Listen without trying to solve. Grief does not need solutions; it needs space.

• Acknowledge the loss. Avoiding the topic can unintentionally communicate discomfort or dismissal.

• Use the loved one’s name, if appropriate. This validates their significance and ongoing presence in memory.

• Offer specific support. Instead of “Let me know if you need anything,” consider concrete offers (a meal, a check-in, a walk).

• Respect boundaries. Some individuals want connection; others need distance. Both are valid.

What matters most is conveying: “You are not alone” and “Your experience matters.” In addition, being a supportive presence often requires recognizing that grief does not look the same for everyone, and the example personas below demonstrates how these differences may show up. 

While grief is a significant and often visible source of pain during the holidays, it is not the only reason someone may struggle to connect or feel present during this season. Emotional distress can take many forms, and each deserves recognition and care.

How to Be a Supportive Presence for Someone Experiencing Emotional Distress During the Holidays

Not everyone who struggles during the holidays is grieving a loss. Some may be carrying loneliness, burnout, disappointment, relational strain, financial stress, or the emotional weight of a challenging year. These experiences may be less visible, but they are no less real.

Support in these moments is not about fixing circumstances or reframing emotions. It is about offering steadiness, curiosity, and respect.

Helpful ways to show support include:

• Normalize mixed emotions. Statements such as “A lot of people find this season harder than it looks” can reduce shame and isolation.

• Invite, rather than assume. Open-ended check-ins like “How has this season been feeling for you?” allow space without pressure.

• Validate without comparison. Avoid minimizing language such as “At least…” or comparisons to others who may be “worse off.”

• Offer low-demand connection. Sitting together, sharing a meal, or sending a brief message can be meaningful without requiring emotional disclosure.

• Respect pacing and capacity. Some individuals may want distraction, others reflection. Both are adaptive responses.

What matters most is communicating that emotional struggle, regardless of its source, is worthy of care, patience, and understanding.

Whether someone is grieving a loss or navigating broader emotional distress, their internal experience may not be immediately apparent. The following personas offer examples of how these struggles may show up during the holiday season.

Understanding How Grief and Emotional Distress May Show Up: Example Personas

The Avoider

This person may withdraw from holiday events, traditions, or social gatherings altogether. Avoidance is often a protective response, not a rejection of others.

How to respond:

Respect their boundaries while gently reminding them they are welcome, without pressure or guilt.

The Socially Isolated Person

This individual may lack family, community, or support systems. Holidays can intensify feelings of invisibility or exclusion.

How to respond:

Intentional inclusion, consistency, and simple companionship can be profoundly meaningful.

The Disconnected / Lonely Individual

They may attend events but feel emotionally distant, numb, or unseen. Others might mistake their quiet presence for being “fine.”

How to respond:

Offer gentle check-ins and authentic connection without demanding emotional disclosure.

Emotions do not look the same for everyone. Below are examples of how pain or sadness may present themselves during the holiday season:

The Caregiver

This does not necessarily have to refer to those who are explicitly taking care of loved ones. They could be the one who always hosts the gatherings or maintains the social calendar. They could be generous givers who think about everyone else first, but could be needing support the most.

How to respond:

These individuals are often in “survival mode” and will politely dismiss your offers of help or connection. Instead of saying “what can I do” suggest concrete tasks to help with. For emotional support, try to empathize with the person you’re trying to connect with as you open conversation.

The Loud or Humorous One

Sometimes, the person who appears the most cheerful, loud, or humorous is masking deep pain. Humor can be a coping strategy rather than an indicator of ease.

How to respond:

Do not assume their outward expression reflects their inner experience. Similar to “The Caregiver,” create moments for genuine check-in beyond surface-level interaction.

It is important to note that these personas are not fixed roles. They are patterns of coping and expression that may emerge in response to grief, stress, loneliness, or emotional overload. Someone may move between several of these personas, sometimes within the same day, depending on the energy, environment, memories, and the emotional capacity. Emotions are fluid, not linear, and outward behavior may shift without warning. Understanding this variability helps supportive loved ones remain flexible, compassionate, and responsive rather than relying on assumptions or labels. Maintaining regular connection with the ones you are close with will help you identify what persona they might be expressing and how to adapt to their changing needs.

What to Look For and How to Respond with Compassion

Emotions often show up indirectly. Be mindful of:

• Sudden changes in behavior or engagement

• Excessive humor or distraction

• Withdrawal, irritability, or emotional numbness

• Over-functioning or caretaking others

Closing Reflection

This season invites us to slow down and notice—not just the lights and gatherings, but the people around us who may be carrying invisible losses or unseen burdens. Whether you are grieving yourself, supporting someone who is, or simply finding this season harder than expected, remember that feelings are not a sign of weakness. They reflect love, connection, meaning, and the beautiful messiness of life.

May this season hold space for remembrance, gentleness, compassion, and shared humanity.

Optimize your life. Improve your well-being.

Helpful Resources:

Grief support organizations & websites

• The Dougy Center: Grief support for families, with resources in multiple languages.

• Miss Foundation: Support for traumatic grief.

• Open to Hope: Articles, podcasts, and books on grief.

• American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP): Resources and support groups for suicide loss.

• VA.gov: Grief resources specifically for Veterans.

• Griefshare: surviving the holidays

Local & community resources

• JourneyCare: One-on-one and group support.

• The LOSS Program: For those grieving a death by suicide.

• Willow House: Support groups in Illinois.

Self-help & coping strategies

• Emotional Expression: Journaling, writing letters, playing music, or crying.

• Mindfulness & Movement: Sitting quietly, physical activity.